The CIA tried to assassinate Fidel Castro 638 times... Using methods so bizarre they sound made up (they're not). Yet не still died peacefully at 90. Here's why.
The exploding cigar:
Castro was famously a heavy cigar smoker, so the CIA's first instinct was obvious: put a bomb in one.
The plan involved lacing a cigar with enough explosive to kill him when he lit up.
It was never successfully delivered.This was only the beginning.
The poisoned diving suit:
Castro loved scuba diving. The CIA obtained a wetsuit, contaminated it with a fungal disease on the inside and tuberculosis bacteria in the breathing apparatus, and planned to gift it to him through a negotiator.
The lawyer delivering it didn't know. The plan was aborted at the last minute.
The exploding seashell:
An actual CIA memo proposed placing a spectacular, eye-catching seashell on the ocean floor near Castro's favourite dive spots, packed with explosives. The assumption was his curiosity would kill him.
The plan was deemed logistically impractical, which raises the question of which part they found practical.
The beard chemicals:
Not all plots were lethal. The CIA developed a powder containing thallium salts, a depilatory agent, and planned to sprinkle it in his shoes.
The goal was to make his iconic beard fall out, humiliate him publicly, and undermine his authority.
Cuba's revolutionary leader without his beard, they calculated, would lose credibility. He kept the beard.
The Mafia contract:
Unable to succeed through official channels, the CIA turned to organised crime. In 1960, they hired Mafia bosses, including figures connected to the Havana casino operations Castro had shut down, to arrange his assassination.
Poison pills were delivered. The attempt failed multiple times. The gangsters, it turned out, weren't better at this than the government.
The lover turned assassin:
Marita Lorenz was Castro's mistress. The CIA recruited her, gave her poison capsules, and sent her back to him.
She hid the capsules in a cold cream jar. When she retrieved them before the meeting, they had dissolved. She later said she couldn't go through with it anyway.
She told Castro years later. He reportedly handed her his gun and dared her to do it. She didn't.
The LSD microphone:
Before a radio broadcast, CIA operatives planned to spray the studio with a hallucinogenic chemical, essentially LSD, hoping Castro would behave erratically on air and discredit himself in front of the Cuban public
The plot was scrapped, but the fact that it reached planning stage reveals the level of desperation involved.
The ballpoint pen syringe:
In 1963, a CIA asset was given a ballpoint pen secretly fitted with a hypodermic needle, loaded with a poison so lethal a scratch would be fatal.
The asset was meant to get close enough to use it. The pen was intercepted. Castro found it amusing enough to keep as a souvenir.
Bay of Pigs the attempt before the attempts:
The 1961 CIA-backed invasion at the Bay of Pigs wasn't just a political failure, it was meant to trigger an uprising that would kill or depose Castro.
Instead, it lasted 3 days, ended in the capture of 1,200 CIA-trained Cuban exiles, and handed Castro his greatest propaganda victory. The CIA's credibility never fully recovered.
The final score. 638 attempts. 10 US presidents. 50 years of covert operations. Fidel Castro died on November 25, 2016, aged 90, having outlived most of the men who tried to kill him. Whatever your view of his politics, the operational record is undeniable: the CIA lost.
